Tuesday, July 3, 2012

(Un) Lucky Number Thirteen

So I had the worst possible day today. My air compressor in my car has gone out. In July. In Texas. July+Texas+no A/C= worst possible mood of my life. Oh, and it will be about seven hundred dollars to fix. So, I'm thinking today, I will just bust my ass to make as much as I possibly can on a morning shift. Henceforth, when I had a table of thirteen come in today, I was delightfully pleased because I had the biggest table of the restaurant in my section.

Needless to say, this group of all men was a ton of work. I held my composure when we had a curly fry mix-up and even when I was being demanded that I take every single one of the thirteen credit cards all at once, although I needed to get two lunches comped, because of an offer we had going on. Long story short, by the end of the two hours, I was in tears. Literally, bawling in my managers office. Four men skipped out on their tab-and the group as a whole only left me, maybe ten dollars (I think it was actually eight). Somehow, I owed Hooters more than what I had actually been tipped, and they were my only table. GM R-the cute manager- let me go home. I don't really know if it was pity or if I was suppose to go home. Regardless, I hopped and skipped my crying behind out of Hooters so fast, the tacky orange was a blur to me.

You never know if your tip is paying for somebody's rent, food for their children, or if they are depending on you to be decent enough to at least tip fifteen percent per person in order to get their car fixed so they can get to and from work and school. Be nice. Don't be one of these douche bags that make your waitress cry. No matter how shitty your day has been, tip based off service. In an establishment like Hooters, anywhere from twenty percent (for average service, which I made certain that I went above and beyond for these fellows) and on is acceptable. Never tip less than %15, unless the service is just awful. If the server is just totally rude and doing a bad job on purpose then it's appropriate to leave whatever you choose, although, you should leave a note or let someone know why your tip is so small. There is a point where tipping is insulting. For example, on of my tips off that table was one dollar on a twenty seven dollar ticket. Just keep your lousy freaking dollar. Honestly, it won't do shit. That's insulting on so many levels. Just don't tip. Check this out. http://www.lousytippers.com/database1_interface/Results/results_page.asp

Monday, July 2, 2012

Workout Like a Hooters Girl

Okay, so I haven't posted in a while. I have been a little busy regarding school and work and other things of little importance. I have received some suggestions as to what people want to read about. The first topic on the list is a question that many ladies, including myself before I was hired, ask/ ponder often. How do you "workout like a Hooter's girl?" The answer to that is full of agony and despair. Grab your yoga pants, tanks, and sneakers and get ready to sweat like a Hooter's girl. I will now tell you our secret workout.

There is not one.

The truth is, there is no set workout for a HG. Some girls, like models, happen to be naturally thin and need to do little to maintain their weight. Others, are health freaks who shop organic food only. I work with a variety of women who do a variety of things. Most of the girls couple moderately healthy eating (small salads for lunch or dinner with a plate of greasy, fattening hot wings once a week) with a run on the treadmill or elliptical. I work with one individual, who looks like a blonde version of Emma Watson, no joke, who shops only at Whole Food Store and eats tofu and bagels on a daily basis, runs daily, and does Lord knows what although we all know she is beautiful. No offense to Emma, I wish I could be that healthy. Some of the girls are even vegetarian and do nothing exercise wise to balance it out. Albeit, a Friday night at Hooters is my idea of working out five days a week.

Personally, I eat white meat and fish only- with a few exceptions here and there, but those are rare. I drink soy milk and a ton of water. My weakness is icecream, sweet tea, and coffee. I am one of those HG that eat moderately healthy and although I do not eat wings, I am not above a plate of greasy fried pickles every now and then. Exercise wise, I have a love for running and feel weird if I do not run at least every other day. I am an avid dancer, so usually, if I get that chance, I will bust out in ballet in my dining room or kitchen. I got lucky to have a passion for exercise. I do a lot of ab work outs. I find pleasure in the pain they cause. 

 Hooters encourages girls to be healthy and do things that they enjoy to work out. We do not have a specific work out requirement. If  you are serious about wanting to look like a HG, use makeup to highlight your features on your face, no tongue, nose, eyebrow, lip, or any other facial piercing is allowed (although some stores are more lenient than others; it just looks a little trashy on some girls). Fix your hair in a flattering manner. We are not allowed two tone colors, feather extensions, weird highlights, or unnatural hair colors like pink or blue. Take care of yourself. Drink plenty of water, be active, and do not rob the sandman of his eight hours of Z's. That late night TV show will be on "Hulu" in the morning. I would trade those bags under my eyes for TV anyday! Lastly, workout like a HG! Put all your effort into things you enjoy. Find the workout that best suits you, be it walking, running, abs, dancing, gardening, or swimming!! Just enjoy it.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

On a Leash

I thought that I would touch on something before I got my lazy butt up out of bed to draw my face on and become what I call "Hooters Ready." Every male (and sometimes female) that I talk to inevitably asks me two questions in the time that we speak. "Do you have a boyfriend and doesn't he mind that you work there?" So, for male, female, dog, cat, and alien alike- yes, yes I do and no, he doesn't mind at all. You see, I have chosen a male companion who does not feel the need to control every action, all the time. I also have chosen a male companion who understands that Hooters is not, in fact, a place full of prostitutes who serve beer and give lap dances every five minutes. Believe it or not, the Hooters Handbook is rather strict with a strict code of conduct. I am sure that somewhere between the description that a HG is the "All American Cheerleader, and the girl-next door" slides in the "streetwalker on the Murch." So, ladies, I advise you to take heed. A man who would be comfortable with anything except you "working there" is not a secure man. I think The Boyfriend actually, honestly takes it as a compliment that I work at Hooters. Yes, in order to be hired, you have to be attractive, that is a given. Yes, we wear short, shiny orange shorts, but we also wear pantyhose and top that covers more than what most high school girls wear to school. Hell, it covers more than a damn bikini. If you cannot go to the beach with your boyfriend, Houston, we have a problem.

As for my family, I think my mother would probably be more upset that I used the word "damn" a couple sentences ago than she is about the fact that I work at Hooters. I grew up in a liberal-republican family, but my mother just does not care. Now, she has forbid me from street-walking (how could you, mom!). However, when I told her I got a job at Hooters, she was mad at me for weeks!! Yeah, no. I can't even say that. I guess she does not feel any different from me. The Boyfriend does not keep me on a leash, and neither does my mother.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


I feel like my beginning at a new Hooters should not cause me so much anxiety. I have ultimately been successful in arming myself with weapons of mass destruction including the following:  vicious nails, as sun-kissed of a tan as I will ever have, a rigorous diet and exercise program, and a fabulous new push-up bra. The Boyfriend of mine, albeit supportive, is bamboozled by all the nerves. "It's just a job" and "But you've already worked at Hooters" I know has crossed his mind. Someday, men all over the world will be a tad more understanding of what it is like to be a woman; and though I cannot complain, because I got lucky; I will still wait until that day to come. I think women worldwide would have their stress and anxiety level reduced by at least half if men would at least act like they understood. Alas, for now, we will just let them stand there with the cutest, dumbest looks on their faces, scratching their heads. It's probably better off that way, anyhow.

Monday, June 4, 2012

The Journey Begins

I am a sophomore at the University of North Texas, studying to be a physical therapist (I started off at UT-Dallas for pediatric oncology and then journalism) and I've just been accepted into the Honors College at UNT. At the present time, I have a 4.0 grade point average, and I absolutely cringe at the thought of playing dumb to, more or less, "win a boy over." I am a hardcore feminist- to the extent that in high school, I was nicknamed the "Feminazi." I am an both an avid runner and a dedicated dancer. Both forms of healthy exercise, but both something I would lose my mind without. Why am I sharing all of this information with you? Do you really care that I care about women's rights? No, probably not. (Although I like to pretend that other people think it is an important issue.) I am also a Hooters Girl.

I will begin working at a new Hooters on Wednesday, for which I am more ecstatic than I should be. The truth of the matter is, I have gotten comments that I am a prostitute, a stripper, and that I "must be dumb" all because of my chosen profession of paying my way through college. No offense to prostitutes or strippers. especially, because, hey, I would not feel confident swinging around up there on a pole, but I do not, have not, and will not ever remove my clothes or perform sexual favors for money. So, the comment that I am a "borderline prostitute" or a "stripper" is actually invalid. Again, no offense to all the dumb people out there (and you're probably not as dumb as some of the people I have come across in my short nineteen years), I am far from dumb. I choose to be a Hooters Girl, actually, because it was smart to pick a job where I make a lot of money for little, easy work. I guess any high-class restaurant would MAYBE bring in the same amount of tips that I make at Hooters, but for a lot more work and a lot less fun. The truth is, I love Hooters. I love being a Hooters Girl. I love the way it makes me feel confident and sexy, even if I have to put up with some pervs from time to time- and there is actually not as many as you would think.

Since when I type in "Hooters" into my Google search bar, a whole bunch of negative crap pops up like, "Sexual Harassment at Hooters!" "Hooters Waitress Fired for Weight!" I decided I would bring to light what it is really like to be a Hooters Girl. It is awesome. It is probably better than your job, unless, of course you are a fellow Hooters Hottie.  So, the journey now begins....

And for those of you wondering- yes! You can be a feminist and a HG at the same time! Why not? The feminist movement is NOT about never revealing anything... EVER... it is about giving women the power to be a doctor, a lawyer, the President, or a Hooters Girl. In reality, the joke isn't on us Hooter Girls, it's on the men tipping me fifty bucks because I flashed him a smile and I know the difference between a touchdown and a field goal, or a ground ball and a grand slam.